Sounds of Silence - Thankful Thursday

One of the schools I work at, signed a few of us teachers to a Mindfulness Based Stress Relief (MBSR) course. What a great idea! Taking care of your teachers!!!

I've been going doing this course now for the past 7 Saturdays. But this, was one of the most resilient meetings for me.

Let me just describe the location first...every week I make the trek towards the teacher's home. After you park your car, you take a 3 minute walk on a quiet neighborhood street. When you finally reach this Key West style home, you take a few seconds to admire it. On the side of the house, there is a narrow walkway leading you to the back of her house and her beautiful pool deck surrounded by a lush, gorgeous, and green garden. If you listen...you could hear the sounds of the birds chirping. Every so often, you'd see a parrot or a blue jay, or a robin. It really was amazing! And after observing nature, you walk into her peaceful and serene classroom. Here we usually talked and described our experiences with feelings, pains, thoughts, and emotions.

But this saturday was different, she asked us to be silent. She invited all of us in the room, to be silent, to practice not speaking, to avoid talking.

It was crazy! This lady thought I'd be silent for 6 hours? How in the world was I going to accomplish this in a group of 20 people? But for the most part, we did it. I did it. We did some yoga, some walking meditation, some feeling exercises...as for me, the best part, was eating in silence.

At lunch, I chose to sit by myself. In a little corner of the deck where the large palm trees gave shade to my area. I began eating what seemed to be the most delicious PB&J sandwich I've ever had. I smelled the air around me and then I put my nose close to my bread, my sandwich. I gave it a good whiff and then I took a bite of it. And I slowly chewed it and I chewed and I chewed. Then I paused and looked at it and back up at the bamboo and palm trees, the bushes, the beautiful roses and bouganvilias. And it sounds so crazy and weird but really...it was surreal.

Aaahhhhh but it was just amazing. Try it...try to be silent. Just smile, nod, and shrug to let others know you will not be talking.

But even more important, try the slow eating...savor your food, your meal. Not just your breakfast, your lunch, or your dinner. Every food or drink that touches your lips and your mouth. Savor everything you do. Everything you take in. From what you see, what you smell, what you do, what you feel, and you will find what you love in life. You will find about those little things that are so good and that you should be thankful for. 


What type of meditation have you tried?

Overwhelmed

...with emotions

...with happiness

...with sadness

...with love

...with anxiety

...with confusion

...with feelings

...with anger

...with self-doubt
...with myself

Take one step back and breathe

the answers will come

they may not come today

but someday the light will shine

until then, follow the light that shines within you

via http://favim.com/image/267599/

C'mon, get HAPPY!: 10 ways to beat the blues

http://evie-s.com

As you may have been following along, I've been dealing with my own little issues in trying to forgive, love, and be happy with myself. So in the process, I've found different ways to make me happy and get me out of my depressed moods!

Remember, you are your own very best friend and therefore, you have to take care of you, before you try to help others.

Below is a list of things/reminders I have found have worked for me in order to make me feel good when I'm just feeling like the sky is falling around me. I must give a shout out to Jacque at Quirky Girl's Thoughts for inspiring me to create my own list!

*Put yourself first! Focus on all of your needs rather than putting someone else's wants and needs before yours. It is ok to be a little selfish at times, you have to love yourself! You need to spend time with yourself and get to know what can help you get out of this awful rut! My vocation is in the social services field, so I tend to put the needs of others before my own. Remember the airplane emergency procedures? They indicate that you must put your oxygen mask on first, before helping anyone else in putting on theirs.

*Go for a run or for a walk. Exercise increases the amount of endorphins or the "get happy chemicals" in your body...need I say more? Exercise, in any form, can help you feel energized, happier, less stressed, and even more focused!

*Fake a smile! Yes, fake it! Believe it or not, your brain will "believe" whatever facial expression you are showing and will start sending those signals to the rest of your body and mind. So engage those muscles and smile BIG. Wanna laugh harder? Do it in front of a mirror, I bet you'll start laughing your belly off!

*Schedule fun in your calendar! This is a must even when you are pressed for time and feel stressed. Dial up your friends and tell them you are due out for a girls' night or a happy hour. Call your local spa and get a relaxing massage. Find out when the next yoga class will be and add it to your calendar and set a reminder for yourself! Counting down to your next fun event will make you feel good too!

*Have your piece of cupcake in the morning! Grab that piece of candy or that cupcake! Steal 5 Hershey Kisses from the bowl at work! The little bit of sugar will give you a slight kick that will surely bring a smile to your face..and well, you know the rest :)

*Write down what you are thankful for. Sometimes when we are feeling down, it gets really hard to appreciate and realize all of the good things that life has given us. Putting these things on paper, even as minuscule as they may seem (e.g., the smell of rain in the morning, the roof over your head), can help us get a perspective on how amazing our lives really are!

*Keep calm and meditate! Take 10 minutes of your day to just close your eyes and count the breaths you take. If you find it hard to focus, allow yourself to accept these thoughts and write them down when you are done. You may even feel more connected to your own feelings. Download the free Headspace Meditation application to help you keep track of daily meditation, just like Couch to 5K guides you with your runs.

*Surround yourself with goodness. They say misery loves company...if that's the case, make it "positive company"! When you are down in the dumps, it is a lot harder to look at the bright side of life. Find that one person who knows you best, understands you, and makes you feel good. Tell them how you are feeling, and trust them enough and allow them to take you out of that funk. Sometimes, this person may even be your therapist, whoever you chose, this person is a step in the right direction to get you out of this rut.

*Get Busy! The best way to avoid those ruminating thoughts that come up over and over and keep you down, is to stay busy. Now that you found a friend or a family member, have them take you somewhere or talk about something completely unrelated to your worry. Try your best to dive into that photography project you were working on, fall into the fiction story you've been dying to read, go watch that funny movie...getting your mind busy will help in warding off those ruminating and negative thoughts in your mind.

*Volunteer your time! When we are depressed or in a crummy mood, we tend to think about how everything and everyone around us affect us, we tend to internalize and really emote how we are feeling. Try putting that "internal energy" to good use and get involved! Do something for someone else that will make you feel good for you.

I hope this is a little helpful for you. I know it helped me. I am on an ongoing journey to take care of me and to get to know me better. Accept yourself because there's nobody else out there just like you. You are beautiful and only you can make your self shine... ;)

What has worked for you when trying to get over the blues?

Some people come into our lives...

These are a few quotes that have gotten me through the last few weeks.

"Why compare yourself to others? 

No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you, than you!"

"In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart. One I'll carry with me forever and that no one can ever replace." -Nicholas Sparks, Dear John

"We meet the people we're supposed to when the time is right." -Alyson Noel

"Maybe some friendships aren't meant to be saved. Maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our lives with certain people, then move on." -Dawson's Creek

"In the end, you always go back to the people that were there for you in the beginning."  -Andie, Dawson's Creek

Living, loving, and learning...have faith

Learning to nurture myself

In the last few months, I feel that a hurricane has taken over my life. The intensity of my feelings in what I thought I had lost was extremely painful. Despite my attempts, catharsis was not taking place effectively. It was to a point that I needed to seek out and learn more about me. Sometimes, you need to experience pain and loss in order to realize what, if anything, is missing in your life. At least that was my case.

I learned that what I was seeking from others was basically something that I may have missed out in my early years. Not to say I am the only one that is lacking in this...I mean many people are better able to overcome and cope with this, but I still needed to feel nurtured. I needed to become a better mother to myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom to pieces, however, I definitely do not have the relationship with my mom that is seen in the movies, the one my friends had with their mothers, or at least the one that I longed for. As I try to understand her, I can only see how my grandmother may have been overly nurturing to her and how this may have strayed her away; and how young my mother was when she had me. I often thought, it was my fault I didn't have this relationship and I didn't deserve to have these feelings.

Part of learning about me was also identifying with one of Karen Horney's (pronounced "horn-eye") theories. A theory based on how children perceived the actions of their parents. What I found, is that I am that little girl that seeks perfection and acceptance from others. I have the need to please others and be liked by them. Unfortunately, this theory falls true to me, and led me through the darkest path in my life.

As the good student that I am, I did my research to seek out my own happiness. What I am realizing is that I am an adult now and nothing can change my past; however, I am the owner of my actions and my thoughts. Therefore, I am the only one that can change and shape my future.  I landed on a few good articles on the 'tyranny of the shoulds', loving yourself, and on forgiveness.

Thus far, I feel that Tama J. Kieves' article on "How to Nurture Yourself & Be Your Own Mother" hit home with me. It wasn't a list on how to nurture me; I mean, I already have ideas like writing a journal, going to the gym, calling a good friend. Nope, this article shed a shining light. What I have to do is be my own mother! What would I want to tell myself when I feel down? How can I be good to myself?

Positive self-talk has never been at the top of my list. For the most part, I surrender to the negative feelings and the obsessive thoughts that clouded my thinking. As my own mother, I would hug myself and tell myself 'I am beautiful', 'they don't deserve your tears', 'you have done an amazing job!' Loving yourself unconditionally must be number one in your list. Don't be so judgmental of yourself; rather, you have to be your own cheerleader! Yes, it is difficult in the beginning. I too dwelled on the negative, but at one point or another you have to change that. You have the choice of being sad, being angry, and being happy. I say chose the latter and be your own voice of support. Be that one that nurtures you and accepts you for who you are unconditionally. You are who you were meant to be, so embrace yourself and forgive your mistakes.

Nurture yourself. Make it your responsibility. Treat yourself intentionally, buy yourself a small gift or a token of gratitude and support. Thank people around your for their kindness and their good thoughts. Remember, the world is full of good mothers, fathers, and lovers; including you!

Through someone else's eyes

"We can never judge the lives of others because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path."

-Paulo Coelho

You can't really judge the lives of others because of the simple handicap that each person knows only about his/her own experiences; to judge the lives of others means to assume that you understand/know all the trials and hardships and all things it is that have led that person up to that point.

Our own perspectives are biased. As much as we may try, our perspectives are defined and are affected by our own trials and all that it is that we have endured; therefore, when we see others, it is through our eyes that have already been accustomed to certain things in our own life.

Many of us have the tendency to think that our own way of doing things is right. Many of us assume that our lives are right and lived by just means and in the right way; however, to assume that it is the only right path is an entirely a different matter.

A path to learn in all this is the acceptance of others and the acceptance of one's self.

Forgiveness

"Forgiving someone for what they have done does not mean that you are saying what they did was okay. Forgiveness is more about YOU than it is about the other person. When you forgive someone, you are giving yourself permission to release the past and move on with your life. If all or most of your energy is wrapped up in being angry at someone who hurt you, where is the energy for creating a life you love?"

Start by forgiving yourself...

You iz important

I am me!

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose.
I own everything about me -- my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be -- anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I have discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.

Love vs. Hate

Love. Hate.

Two very powerful words. Two very powerful feelings.

Is it possible to love someone so much you begin to hate them?

Is it possible to hate someone to the point you fear you love them?

If two people are in love, both of them win.

If one person loves another, but does not receive love in return, love can turn to sadness.

If two people live with hate, they both lose. 

Love. Hate.

They are words, feelings. Undescribable energies we all search to understand, to find.

Mushy stone

So what do you do when you have lost touch with reality?
When you really don't know where you belong?
When you think you have lost the essence of who you are?
When you no longer recognize those around you?

Its not that I've changed, it is that in the process of learning and living, I've realized who is ready to commit and who is not. This does not necessarily mean I am actually learning from what I have come to realize; nor from what I've lived. Maybe the slap in across my face is not moving fast enough.

Things I used to hate and despise in others, I am beginning to find in myself...in who I am. Some people I love, others I just love to hate.

Are those qualities that I despise, the same as those I despise in myself?

I am letting those people get to me and I shouldn't. I am stronger than they are...I am who I am.

But its not true, I pretend to be tough, but if you knew me, if you really knew me, you'd know I'm mush. That I melt in your hand. That you can do as you please and for that, I am still angry at.
I let you in, and the layers keep peeling. You keep asking and I keep letting you in. You keep pushing but I never tell you no.

Well, guess what, it is my turn. I will tell you no. I will tell you that you are being unfair. I will tell you how I feel, because if you don't give a shit...then I shouldn't give a shit either. It is because I am tired of caring more about you than you care about me.