Rules in Life

Some rules I'm learning to live by..,

On My Soapbox - Thoughts on Sandy Hook

As I walked from my office towards the main campus of the elementary school on Friday afternoon, my friend sends me a horrifying text..."OMG! Shooting at an elementary school, 18 students dead in Connecticut!" I stopped in the middle of the hallway, my heart sank. I look up to watch as one of the Kindergarten teachers lead the students to the front of the building for dismissal. Who would do this? It must be a mistake! A drive-by shooting?

I could not believe it. Those poor little angels! Those families! This is not fair!

Every time something like this occurs, whether it is a high school, a university campus, a mall, or a movie theatre...our everyday lives are affected. These are places we go to where we and our loved ones are supposed to feel safe! Where we go to study, learn, de-stress, and enjoy time with friends.

However, what I see as a way to fix and avoid these situations, seems in my opinion, not to be the solution rather a bandaid. I am by no means pro-guns, but think of this: Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Did you know that on Friday, there were 22 children wounded as a result of a knife attack during the dismissal at a primary school? China is a country that prides itself in strict gun control, but alas, violence at a school still occurred! [click here]  

In light of these events, my only request is to not focus on the right to bear arms or gun control, rather what do the suspects have in common? They all have a mental illness. Mental illness is a disease that is not very glamourous. You will not see heartfelt ads on TV, there are no televised fundraisers to end mental illness, there is no pretty face to give light on the issue and make something we can all understand. Rather, this is an illness that comes with a horrific staple: a mugshot, poor judgment/decisions, or innocent lives affected by their actions.

Let's think of this:

Do we know what kind of childhood they endured? Were their issues addressed? Did they receive adequate psychological services? Or were they denied services at some point because they didn't have insurance or benefits to pay? It's hard to tell at this point. There are a lot of factors in play and a lot to be considered. 

I have worked in the trenches right out of college as a group counselor for mentally ill adults. I then worked in the mental health and substance abuse system that managed funding and heard of budget cuts first hand for agencies. Now I work in the school system doing what I've always wanted to do, work with children with special needs. The mental health and well-being of our children is truly important. We need to be teaching our kids coping skills and create a greater awareness for mental illness and mental health. Children do suffer from mental illness and this Huffington Post article gives light on the issue.

It's time to increase awareness on mental health. 

**********************************

With that said...I will now step off my soapbox. I came across this letter on GlamHungryMom's site and Living In Yellow. Read, copy, and paste this onto your blog in support for the victims and for all of those affected in Newtown, CT.


To the Blog World and Anyone Else who Wants to Help,

On Friday 12.14.12, tragedy struck so many of us in ways we did not foresee. An elementary school and small town in Connecticut was shattered by a mass shooting. We knew we wanted to help and we came up with this:

On Tuesday, December 18th, there will be a blogger day of silence.
We will post the button and that's it. Please try to not post anything else that day if possible.

We are also raising money that will go to an organization in the memory of this tragedy. The organization is called The Newtown Family Youth and Family Services, Inc. Here is the official description of the support service we are donating to:

"Newtown Youth and Family Services, Inc. is a licensed, non-profit, mental health clinic and youth services bureau dedicated to helping children and families achieve their highest potential. NYFS provides programs, services, activities, counseling, support groups and education throughout the Greater Newtown area.

ANY DONATIONS MADE TO NEWTOWN YOUTH AND FAMILY SERVICES WILL BE DONATED DIRECTLY TO THOSE EFFECTED BY THE SANDY HOOK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SHOOTING."

Please visit THIS PAGE or THIS United Way PAGE to make your donation.

We can't imagine how they must be feeling, especially this close to the holidays. We would love for you to spread the word on your own blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Let's make a difference and use blogging in a positive way. Thank you in advance for participating.

Love,
The Blog World

Only You Can Make Yourself Shine...

A little alarm reminder that I'm awesome...

About Life and Love: Sex and the City

Hi there my little peepsqueaks!

I hope you are doing wonderful!!! I've had a busy week to say the least! But that's just my life at work. I promised myself that this year, I would not let work get in the way of my life. That I wouldn't let it stress me out and keep me from sleeping at night. Although work is still a pain in the @$$, I finally feel that I am enjoying what I am doing. 

I think what is helping me now is exercise. Going to the gym or going for a run tires me out, puts me to sleep, AND it gives me the endorphines I need. You know, those are the happy chemicals that make you feel excited and have you see everything in a different light.

I was looking through some of my draft posts and found these quotes! Who knew that Sex and the City had so much to do with my life! I've always thought of me as the Charlotte type though....with Miranda's work ethic, Samantha's love for the night life, and Carrie's love for NYC ;)

Via

"Maybe mistakes are what make our fate...without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But its comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." -Carrie, Sex and the City.

"That's the thing about relationships. Sometimes they look prettier on the outside, and what's inside can be different than it seems." -Carrie, Sex and the City.

"So just live, make mistakes, and have a wonderful time, but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you are going." -Carrie, Sex and the City

"When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies..."  -Carrie, Sex and the City.

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be."  -Carrie, Sex and the City.

Via

Which Sex and the City character are you most like?

Inspire Me Healthy

Ok...so I think I AM gonna do this.

No, really, I promise I am gonna do this.

You see, I was on this health kick over two years ago.
I was up at the crack of dawn, hitting the gym in the morning and stomping the pavement that same afternoon. 

I loved how I felt and I loved going running everyday!

Then life happened... 

I quit my job to start my year long grad school internship.
After graduation followed a few months of unemployment and then I finally started my 1st year of work in the education system, the job I had buried myself in books for for over 4 years...yeah THAT job! 

To say the least, I hit a bottom.
Not only with my health, but also with my self-esteem, my marriage, my friends, and everything else in between. 

You could say I "let myself go". 

Fast forward to today: parts of my life are back in shape. 

I am loving me for who I am, for my mistakes, and for all of the things I have learned!

HOWEVER... 

I am still working on making my fitness my daily routine.

Summer time came and went...and I was doing awesome during the last 2 weeks before work started. Unfortunately, work began and I just stopped going, doing, running, eating healthy...regularly.

But today...TODAY: I am happy to say I went to the gym!

****HOORAY FOR MEEEEE!!!!!****

I know it was only one day, but I want it to be the first day of many to come in one week.

I am not doing this because I hate the numbers on the scale, because I don't let them define my health. I am doing this because I want to be back at my peak. I want to be healthy in mind, body, and soul. I will know I have reached my goal when my clothes are not so tight and when I can feel confident wearing those skinny jeans and body forming shirts!! 

Here is my "post work out pic" from a month ago...I hope I can have many more photo ops like these...without the ghostly looking face!!

Because THIS is what I want to go back to:

Wanna join me in this adventure?

I Hope You Dance

I stumbled upon a printed email sent to me by an old coworker (2 jobs ago). You see, we worked as group counselors hoping to help others and many times, we forgot about ourselves. Giulia always managed to send out the right vibes and words to make it through the day. The email read:

Author unknown:

"When I meditated on the word 'Guidance', I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

Via

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw 'G': I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance.'
GOD, YOU, and I DANCE.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life."

--Author Unknown

via

And I Hope You Dance!!!!!!!!

Overwhelmed

...with emotions

...with happiness

...with sadness

...with love

...with anxiety

...with confusion

...with feelings

...with anger

...with self-doubt
...with myself

Take one step back and breathe

the answers will come

they may not come today

but someday the light will shine

until then, follow the light that shines within you

via http://favim.com/image/267599/

C'mon, get HAPPY!: 10 ways to beat the blues

http://evie-s.com

As you may have been following along, I've been dealing with my own little issues in trying to forgive, love, and be happy with myself. So in the process, I've found different ways to make me happy and get me out of my depressed moods!

Remember, you are your own very best friend and therefore, you have to take care of you, before you try to help others.

Below is a list of things/reminders I have found have worked for me in order to make me feel good when I'm just feeling like the sky is falling around me. I must give a shout out to Jacque at Quirky Girl's Thoughts for inspiring me to create my own list!

*Put yourself first! Focus on all of your needs rather than putting someone else's wants and needs before yours. It is ok to be a little selfish at times, you have to love yourself! You need to spend time with yourself and get to know what can help you get out of this awful rut! My vocation is in the social services field, so I tend to put the needs of others before my own. Remember the airplane emergency procedures? They indicate that you must put your oxygen mask on first, before helping anyone else in putting on theirs.

*Go for a run or for a walk. Exercise increases the amount of endorphins or the "get happy chemicals" in your body...need I say more? Exercise, in any form, can help you feel energized, happier, less stressed, and even more focused!

*Fake a smile! Yes, fake it! Believe it or not, your brain will "believe" whatever facial expression you are showing and will start sending those signals to the rest of your body and mind. So engage those muscles and smile BIG. Wanna laugh harder? Do it in front of a mirror, I bet you'll start laughing your belly off!

*Schedule fun in your calendar! This is a must even when you are pressed for time and feel stressed. Dial up your friends and tell them you are due out for a girls' night or a happy hour. Call your local spa and get a relaxing massage. Find out when the next yoga class will be and add it to your calendar and set a reminder for yourself! Counting down to your next fun event will make you feel good too!

*Have your piece of cupcake in the morning! Grab that piece of candy or that cupcake! Steal 5 Hershey Kisses from the bowl at work! The little bit of sugar will give you a slight kick that will surely bring a smile to your face..and well, you know the rest :)

*Write down what you are thankful for. Sometimes when we are feeling down, it gets really hard to appreciate and realize all of the good things that life has given us. Putting these things on paper, even as minuscule as they may seem (e.g., the smell of rain in the morning, the roof over your head), can help us get a perspective on how amazing our lives really are!

*Keep calm and meditate! Take 10 minutes of your day to just close your eyes and count the breaths you take. If you find it hard to focus, allow yourself to accept these thoughts and write them down when you are done. You may even feel more connected to your own feelings. Download the free Headspace Meditation application to help you keep track of daily meditation, just like Couch to 5K guides you with your runs.

*Surround yourself with goodness. They say misery loves company...if that's the case, make it "positive company"! When you are down in the dumps, it is a lot harder to look at the bright side of life. Find that one person who knows you best, understands you, and makes you feel good. Tell them how you are feeling, and trust them enough and allow them to take you out of that funk. Sometimes, this person may even be your therapist, whoever you chose, this person is a step in the right direction to get you out of this rut.

*Get Busy! The best way to avoid those ruminating thoughts that come up over and over and keep you down, is to stay busy. Now that you found a friend or a family member, have them take you somewhere or talk about something completely unrelated to your worry. Try your best to dive into that photography project you were working on, fall into the fiction story you've been dying to read, go watch that funny movie...getting your mind busy will help in warding off those ruminating and negative thoughts in your mind.

*Volunteer your time! When we are depressed or in a crummy mood, we tend to think about how everything and everyone around us affect us, we tend to internalize and really emote how we are feeling. Try putting that "internal energy" to good use and get involved! Do something for someone else that will make you feel good for you.

I hope this is a little helpful for you. I know it helped me. I am on an ongoing journey to take care of me and to get to know me better. Accept yourself because there's nobody else out there just like you. You are beautiful and only you can make your self shine... ;)

What has worked for you when trying to get over the blues?

Love, me ♥

I have discovered an amazing blog that has inspired me so much: "always carried away" by Mademoiselle Deva.

She writes about loving yourself and reminding yourself that you are your own best friend. Below is a quote that she included in one of her posts and that a very loving person has mentioned to me over and over for the last few weeks. 
I ultimately want to make peace with my very own best friend, ME.

 "You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. 

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."  

– Buddha 

You are Perfect...To Me

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

You're so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

Learning to nurture myself

In the last few months, I feel that a hurricane has taken over my life. The intensity of my feelings in what I thought I had lost was extremely painful. Despite my attempts, catharsis was not taking place effectively. It was to a point that I needed to seek out and learn more about me. Sometimes, you need to experience pain and loss in order to realize what, if anything, is missing in your life. At least that was my case.

I learned that what I was seeking from others was basically something that I may have missed out in my early years. Not to say I am the only one that is lacking in this...I mean many people are better able to overcome and cope with this, but I still needed to feel nurtured. I needed to become a better mother to myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom to pieces, however, I definitely do not have the relationship with my mom that is seen in the movies, the one my friends had with their mothers, or at least the one that I longed for. As I try to understand her, I can only see how my grandmother may have been overly nurturing to her and how this may have strayed her away; and how young my mother was when she had me. I often thought, it was my fault I didn't have this relationship and I didn't deserve to have these feelings.

Part of learning about me was also identifying with one of Karen Horney's (pronounced "horn-eye") theories. A theory based on how children perceived the actions of their parents. What I found, is that I am that little girl that seeks perfection and acceptance from others. I have the need to please others and be liked by them. Unfortunately, this theory falls true to me, and led me through the darkest path in my life.

As the good student that I am, I did my research to seek out my own happiness. What I am realizing is that I am an adult now and nothing can change my past; however, I am the owner of my actions and my thoughts. Therefore, I am the only one that can change and shape my future.  I landed on a few good articles on the 'tyranny of the shoulds', loving yourself, and on forgiveness.

Thus far, I feel that Tama J. Kieves' article on "How to Nurture Yourself & Be Your Own Mother" hit home with me. It wasn't a list on how to nurture me; I mean, I already have ideas like writing a journal, going to the gym, calling a good friend. Nope, this article shed a shining light. What I have to do is be my own mother! What would I want to tell myself when I feel down? How can I be good to myself?

Positive self-talk has never been at the top of my list. For the most part, I surrender to the negative feelings and the obsessive thoughts that clouded my thinking. As my own mother, I would hug myself and tell myself 'I am beautiful', 'they don't deserve your tears', 'you have done an amazing job!' Loving yourself unconditionally must be number one in your list. Don't be so judgmental of yourself; rather, you have to be your own cheerleader! Yes, it is difficult in the beginning. I too dwelled on the negative, but at one point or another you have to change that. You have the choice of being sad, being angry, and being happy. I say chose the latter and be your own voice of support. Be that one that nurtures you and accepts you for who you are unconditionally. You are who you were meant to be, so embrace yourself and forgive your mistakes.

Nurture yourself. Make it your responsibility. Treat yourself intentionally, buy yourself a small gift or a token of gratitude and support. Thank people around your for their kindness and their good thoughts. Remember, the world is full of good mothers, fathers, and lovers; including you!

You iz important

I am me!

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose.
I own everything about me -- my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be -- anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I have discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.

Hey you!

Free Hugs

Just when you think life's got you down and you are hanging by a thread...

...just remember that I will always be here for you to give you a big hug so you don't fret.

Hugs are free, give them away!!