The last two hours have been nothing but me lying wide awake. My husband lays besides me and all I can do is slide closer to him, place my arm around him and press my cheek against his back. "Can't sleep again?" He asks of me. This is the 4th day in a row that I am up, unable to close my eyes. I have been a nervous and anxious wreck.
It has been a pretty rough few days. And sometimes I wonder if my worries deserve the tears that I have been shedding. As for the last weeks many friends have faced their own worries and for some reason I do not feel I should be crying over this. How is my pain to compare? Maybe because I feel this is something I yearned for? Maybe because this is something I tried to fix but was unsuccessful? In the light of my plight I also think of each of you my dear friends, as your loved ones undergo surgery, as the one you love does not return the love you deserve, as you face your inner demons, as you box up the memories of what your family used to be, and as you smile through your own tears.
I know I am blessed for what I have, but the next few pages of worries seem so small compared to everything else I do have. I believe I can do this. I know I can do this. I just can't find the inner peace to get me through this. I have found myself asking God to help my friends through these situations. I do not usually ask God to help me in any way shape or form. But everyday this week I have. I have asked him to please guide me and help me find relief in my worries. I have asked him to help keep me and my friends strong. I have asked him to help me find myself and lift me through the next few weeks which will be the toughest weeks ever as I finish one of the biggest chapters in my life.